Friday, November 28, 2008

you'll never be alone again

So this might be a bit personal but after the week I have had I need to vent a bit.
sit back and relax, because this is my life...

My best friend was admitted to hospital early in novemeber and treated for pnemonia. While most people dont get hospitalized for pnemonia her health situation was less than normal.

Kate (my friend) was diagnosed with cancer when she was 16. She had undergone 6 major surgeries in the last 6 years and was left with only half of her right lung and 2/3rds of her left.

So needless to say the pnemonia was taken pretty seriously. I had called her a number of times during her stay in the hospital and she let me know that she would be sent home on November 17 provided everything went well.

I got a phone call on Sunday (nov 16th) from my mom, about 9pm. she was frantic and crying. She had just recieved a call from Kate's mom, that i should come home from north bay because Kate wasnt expected to make it through the night. Needless to say I was shocked. Just a day earlier I had recieved a text from Kate saying " Im going home Monday. Yeehaw!!" Of course I rushed home without question and went straight to the hospital to see her. (this didnt go over well considering it was 3am and patients arent permitted visitors after 8pm)

What I found out next was possibly more shocking then the phone call i had recieved... Kate had gone back to toronto to meet with her doctors early in September and they told her the news she had been dreading for 6 years. The cancer had become so aggressive that it had completely taken over her lungs and there was no further treatment that could be done. Kate attended this appointment alone and made the decision not to tell anyone. not her mom, her sister, and not her best friend. I respect her decision, I know she was the strongest girl I had ever met. throughout her entire battle with cancer I never saw her feel sorry for herself, she never wanted sympathy. The part that really bothers me is that for 2 and a half months she lived out the rest of her life with the burden of knowing her time was limited. What gets me the most is that when I was home for readingweek in the fall, i never saw her. She had just gone back to work after she recovered from her hip replacement that she had last spring (the cancer first attacked her left knee, then her lungs, then her right hip... and had ultimately become aggressive in the lung) I spent my week during placement and homework and then spent a few days in toronto. Before I knew it my week home was over and I had barely seen anyone, and not my best friend.

I ended up getting to talk to kate when I first arrived home on that sunday night. It was difficult to understand her because her lungs were soo full of fluid but it wasnt one of those movie goodbyes. We just said hi. how are you, the normal stuff. It was hard to see her hooked up to all those machines tho i had visited her in the hospital a number of times before. She had been reduced to about 70 pounds. She was always a slim girl, she was tall about 5'9 or so. Kate ended up being induced into a coma on Monday, her breathing became struggled and she was beginning to panic so the doctor induced a coma. She slept peacefully for 3 days before she passed away at 6:18 on Nov 20th.

I never expected to have to bury my best friend at only 21. Even in her final days that same doctor who had cared enough not to reduce the pains she experienced as a 16 yr old to "growing pains" as many would have. He had scheduled that first MRI and would eventually be the same doctor to explain to a 16 yr old and her mother that she had a very serious form of cancer. Sitting there with him he said to me... "you know, shes such a fighter, I also just thought she would be the one to make it. Every time the reports came back clear i let a sigh of relief and thought these reports would just keep comming".... I had the same mentality. Its kind of like that..'It wont happen to me thinking' I knew her cancer was serious, but i always just thought, not her, she will be the one to make it... its devestating so say it.. but i was wrong

kate was an amazing person, she had a will to live like ive never seen. She thouched the lives of everyone she met and was brilliat and witty. She was many things to many people. And now she is a beautiful angel. I really miss her. and the wound is still fresh. but i find some comfort in knowing that all the pain is over. She endured so many things and im happy she is at peace.

1 comment:

anonymous-9ae said...

Hey, I'm really sorry for your loss. By posting this though you gave an image of her fight and the kind of extraordinary person she is to people who didn't even know her. I've lost people to cancer as well and like you said, the comfort I had was in knowing the pain for them is over now. Take care and find peace within yourself and the others you love!